Why I Tried to Stop Writing

It’s true. I tried to stop writing.

This might come as a shock to some, as it well should. I’ve been writing consistently for over a decade and a half, so why would I try to sabotage myself? Why would I derail myself from something I’ve so long considered a dream? Simple. I was tired of trying to find balance.

When I initially graduated from college, I decided I was going to stop writing.

Not forever, but the plan was to stop writing for one year as I pursued different passions, traveled, and ‘discovered’ myself (whatever that means). Because writing hurt. Writing was difficult. It required getting up early or staying up late, it meant forgoing social events and spending whatever free-time I found outside of work/school to research and outline, it meant tearing your work apart for the thousandth time in pursuit of something better. It’s hard work, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it anymore. At first I was in high school, then college, then in the working world, always caught up as I tried to balance my academic/work life and my literary aspirations.

So I swore off the balancing act. It required too much time, too large a part of myself, and, to be entirely honest, it stung to be confronted with the very realistic thought that this would likely never be my career.

So I tried to give up. With the amount of time I invested into writing, surely I could invest that time into something else I’d more realistically attain, right?

At the time, I was set to move to China, where I’d no doubt be as busy as ever working and studying and exploring, so it would be a good time to leave my writing days behind. Or so I thought.

I’ve already talked on this some, but my time in China was not what I thought it’d be. When I felt isolated and insignificant, I gave in and let myself write a bit. When I had a toiling day at work or an encounter with yet another harassing or ogling person, I set aside some time to write. And when I was laid up in bed, unable to go much of anywhere or do much of anything, you know what I could do? I could still write.

I had tried to be done with writing, but clearly it wasn’t done with me. Even when my health left me, even when my wanderlust and verve left me, my stories were still by my side.

And so I fell back into my love of all things literary. Even on the days that I was feeling fine and could walk about and explore, I still set aside time in the wee hours of the night to write and edit and outline. It started with those small bits at first, until I was writing and editing more per week than I had been the whole month before that, on and on. Sometimes writers joke that they didn’t chose to write, but rather that they simply can’t stop. I understand that on a whole new level now.

Over this past year, my attitude around writing has experienced a dramatic shift. At the beginning of it, I’d actively stopped myself from writing. I didn’t post about it much, if at all. I tried to put my current projects on the back-burner. Jump forward to now, and I’m editing nearly 900 words a day, reading daily, and so forth. I’m on track to be well into my fourth book’s, THE IMMORTAL, second round of edits by the end of this year, and have outlined about 2 and a half books this year thus far.

Yes, finding balance and sacrificing time outside of work to write is hard. But as I’ve found, it is so, so worth it. And I’ll never make the mistake of thinking it isn’t ever again.

"Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand." -- George Orwell

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100 Days of Productivity Challenge: What I Learned

I’m an avid bullet journaler, and am pretty involved in the “studyspo” community online (studying/productivity inspiration). Lately a challenge has been circulating called The 100 Days of Productivity Challenge, which I’d decided to take a swing at. Boy, am I ever glad I did.

Before I’d started this challenge, my edits on The Final Advent were slow, and my progress on other projects was nonexistent. I hardly found time to write at all. I figured I’d get around to everything eventually, but my studies were simply gobbling up too much of my time.

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Me.

Let’s flash forward to now, where I have completed editing (and have released!) The Final Advent, and have completed 11k of a different novel and a substantial portion of a short story. Both which I work on now almost every day.

Why the change? What about this challenge, something external and arbitrary, so changed my habits? It all boils down to one thing: momentum.

When I started the challenge, I knew to set realistic expectations. What with 6 hours of homework a night, I didn’t want to set myself on fire just to complete everything that needed tending. Whatever I did, it had to be small. I wasn’t sure it would even make much of a difference. I definitely didn’t believe I’d make it to day 100, thinking the effort would prove fruitless.

My first week went by. Those mere 15 minutes a day had given me a pretty nice chunk of completed work, and hence the more I wrote the easier it became. Plus it offered me a productive bit of respite from schoolwork.

As the time went on, my small fifteen minutes a day started racking up some serious word counts, and the momentum just kept firing me up and the ball kept rolling. Something started to happen. I wasn’t feeling guilty that “oh I hadn’t gotten around to what I needed/wanted to do today, guess I’ll get around to it some other time”; I wasn’t pulling my hair out in stress either. I was getting stuff done, with minimal pressure and a boost of encouragement.

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“This is. . . working?”

That trend continued, and to this day (long after the challenge) I still work on my writings almost every day. This challenge inspired me to kick my butt in gear, because there is quite literally no time like the present. (Pardon the cliche.)

Heck, I’ve even gotten a new weekly ritual out of it! Once a week I now take myself to a coffeeshop or bookstore, order a nice snack or drink (usually those ridiculously priced, diabetes-in-a-cup Starbucks concoctions), and sit down to write for a few hours. Productive, pressure free, and delicious. Plus oh-so-writerly.

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Ultimately, here is what I’ve learned from the 100 Days of Productivity Challenge:

  • Set realistic expectations. Don’t pretend you’re going to write 1,000 words in a day, because you won’t. Not if you’re already struggling to sit down and write as is.
  • Force yourself to do it, and do it early. The sooner in the day you complete your task, the more you’ll get done.
  • Make it fun. If you hate what you’re doing, you’re not gonna do it. Find someplace comfy. Eat something nice, and stay hydrated. Don’t hunch over and strain your shoulders, for god’s sakes. Make it as painless as possible.
  • Keep track of what you’ve already done. For me, that was word counts. If you’re studying something for instance, keep track of how much you’ve reviewed or your (hopefully) improving grades. Seeing what I’d accomplished was a huge visual payoff for me.

Have you ever done a challenge like this before? If so, how did it go? What did you learn?

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